It is with contentment and peace that I tell you about my ashram adventure. When I first arrived at the Sivananda Yoga Center in Kerala, I was both nervous and excited. I thought I was going to have a good experience, but at the same time, I was in a new place, surrounded by new people, and I did not know what to expect. The schedule itself was rigorous and was a bit intimidating. The wake-up bell chimed at 5:20am and we were expected to collect ourselves and come to the yoga/meditation hall by 6am. We usually meditated for 30 minutes, chanted for 30 minutes, and listened to one of the Swami’s speak about spirituality. After that we had tea, and at 8am our first yoga asana class began. The class lasted for 2 hours and was filled with pranayama (breathing exercises), the sun salutation, and the asana poses sequence. When the class was over at 10am it was time for our brunch. This was the bigger meal of the 2 that we ate each day. Still, yoga emphasizes proper diet, which is vegetarian, and moderate eating. They usually served rice, subzi’s, and a vegetable curry. After lunch, at 11am, we had time to do our karma yoga, which was the task that you were given to help out at the ashram. After that at 12:30pm there was coaching class where the teacher’s were available to help you with any postures or other yoga asana related questions you needed answered. Then at 2pm we had a lecture about yoga and all the various aspects it entails. Directly after the lecture we went for our second yoga asana class of the day, from 3:30pm to 5:30pm. At 6pm we had our second meal of the day, which usually consisted of chapatti and sambhar. Then we had a little bit of free time until our final meditation, chanting, and talk which went from 8-9:30pm. After that it was head back to your room and get a good nights sleep in order to be ready to do it all again the next day.
The first few days at the ashram, the physical aspect of life there was much easier to get used to than the mental aspect of the life there. My mind was going a mile a minute, refusing to quiet down and give me some peace. The Swami told us this was very normal, when the mind is used to being able to do whatever it wants and you try to bring it under control. I was ready to leave after the second day because it was so hard to deal with the thoughts racing in my head refusing to quiet down. Luckily, I didn’t go with my initial reaction, because it only took a few more days for my mind to start cooperating. The transformation that occurred after that point was one of innumerable measure. It might not be clear just from reading something that I have written that there has been a huge change, but I will try to explain it the best that I can.
Through the process of discipline and drive, I stayed at the ashram for 2 weeks following the schedule, for the most part, and focusing inward. It is not an easy task to go inside yourself in this way. Your mind resists and tries to thwart you by throwing all kinds of past issues, as well as present issues, to distract you thus allowing the mind to remain in control of what it does. The hardest part was simply to sit and be with those thoughts and not try to run away from them. So many times I felt myself being in desperate need of a distraction from what was going on in my head, and without giving myself that distraction, I was able to simply be. Going inwards and focusing on your inner self is a process that takes more courage then I had ever thought. I had to be willing to surrender to myself in a lot of ways. But I did, and I ended up having an incredible and life changing experience. It wasn’t that I heard something for the first time at the ashram, or found some new way of being, I think it was more that my whole self was opened up and allowed the transformation to take place. But when I heard the Swami say in a lecture one day that “happiness is inside of a person and no external forces can bring a person happiness,” something clicked in my mind. I can honestly say it felt like a light-bulb went on in my head. I don’t know how many times before I had heard that we needed to look for happiness on the inside before this moment. Probably hundreds, but it never meant anything to me until I was open to it. Constantly seeking happiness in external locations surely causes much unwanted stress and anxiety when you can’t obtain it. However, realizing that all along the happiness and peace I was searching for was inside me, was an extremely powerful realization.
For the rest of the time that I was at the ashram, I felt such a sense of peace and contentment. I honestly do not remember ever being happier or more content. I felt incredibly connected to my body, mind, and soul, in many different ways. I started to see the world in a new way, one in which I was less afraid of the unknown, and more content with what I did know. My thoughts were light and I could control where they went and what they did. I felt such a sense of relief from all the stress that had been caused by my thoughts running wild in my head. My thoughts had created a reality in which I was searching for something externally to bring me peace and contentment. However, being alone with myself, opening myself up and focusing inward, allowed me to see where my true happiness and peace lies. I will forever be grateful for this experience and what it has taught me. I don’t know that I can put down on paper just how incredible it was and just how much I gained.
I always liked the quote by Oriah Mountain Dreamer when she invites you to examine yourself in her book "The Invitation," and she says “Tell me: Can you be alone with yourself and do you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments?” Only now, my understanding of what she meant goes much deeper. Reaching inside of myself and focusing my energy inwards, allowed me to come to an understanding of myself and my life that I don’t think I ever could have gotten through any external focus. Doing this was one of the biggest challenges in my life, it was by no means easy, but the reward of self-knowledge, inner-peace, and contentment were worth all the possible hardship that it took to get there. I am eternally grateful for what I have gained, for how this experience has changed me, and for the positive ways it will continue to shape my life in the future.
Om Namah Sivaya!
My room at the ashram, my clothes hanging to dry, and my mosquito net which covered my little bed.
The yoga and meditation hall at the ashram. It was huge and really nice.
The lake that we walked to on occasion for silent meditation near the ashram.
A sunset picture from the dining hall at the ashram.
